


McDonalds! McDonalds!

by thepatella



Category: the untamed, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Chaos, Fluff, Multi, Wei wuxian needs his mcnuggs, mcdonalds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 08:37:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21425335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepatella/pseuds/thepatella
Summary: Literally just the McDonalds-We have food at home-meme.
Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn
Comments: 20
Kudos: 161





	McDonalds! McDonalds!

Wei Wuxian has spent the last ten minutes pleading for one of the most dire causes of his life, and not for one second did he feel bad about it at all. He used all his whiny, bratty tones to get Lan Wangji to give into him, to make him feel  _ his _ pain. Pulling on his sleeve gently or making annoying noises. He tried his best to be pouty, even, but Lan Wangji didn’t even seem to spare him a glance. He’d tried his best though. To get him to understand that he truly and desperately  _ did _ need McDonalds at this very point in time. He was familiar with the McDonalds that would be on the upcoming exit they would need to take to get back from their trip out of town and he’d been anticipating it for most of the ride back. Yet, not only did his husband  _ ignore  _ his requests at first, he had the audacity to tell him “there’s food at home.” Wei Wuxian nearly screamed that the food at home was  _ not _ McDonalds food. He’d even tried to kiss Lan Wangji at the stop light, only to have him place a hand over his mouth.

“I’m driving. Be silent.”

Wei Wuxian, being the man he was, saw this as a challenge. For it was not just him and his husband coming back from their work trip, far from it. In the small mini bus sat eight of their best students, including their own Lan Sizhui, who was currently sharing earbuds with Lan Jingyi, the two silently and passive aggressively arguing over the volume button. They were all keeping to themselves to be courteous of Lan Wangji’s driving, but Wei Wuxian knew that if he could spark their inner flame for chaos, it would be nine against one. And that would surely lead to McDonalds.

Wei Wuxian left his seat to creep towards a half empty seat. His feet were shaky while he duck-walked over to them, trying to remain unseen in the driver’s mirror. He didn’t need to catch their attention; most of the teenagers were very attentive, and Lan Sizhui instantly took out his earbud. “Wei-qianbei, what is it?”

“Lan Sizhui . . . my little A-Yuan,” Wei Wuxian smiled sweetly and immediately the two teenagers paled. They knew that voice. Wei Wuxian abrely used it and it was a dead giveaway. “I need your help with something very important. All of you. Okay? Listen very closely because I can only say it once,”

“We’re listening,” Lan Sizhui sat up and leaned in closer to where Wei Wuxian was crouching, trying to smoosh his face closer to theirs behind the seat in front of them. Lan Jingyi did not seem to be as curious but took his earbud out as well. 

“Once we get off the exit, there’s a McDonalds coming up, and quick. We all need to do our best to convince Lan Zhan to stop. I  _ need _ you to chant McDonalds with me. Can you do that? Can you, Lan Sizhui, my precious angel? Can you help me?”

“E-Excuse me?”

“McDonalds, Lan Sizhui, I need it. Do you understand?”

“That’s a  _ horrible idea _ ,” Lan Jingyi cut in, brows furrowed. “He’s driving, what if he gets distracted”--

“Lan Zhan never gets distracted. More than anything, it will be to convince him to stop. I can’t be the only one on this bus who wants McNuggets, right? If you help me I will buy you all food, I promise,” Wei Wuxian whispers as gently as he can because he  _ knows _ Lan Wangji has the ears of a bat. “Come on, please?”

“We have plenty of food at home . . .” Lan Sizhui took a quick glance towards Lan Wangji, before shrinking back down into his seat. “I mean, you can go and get McDonalds anytime you want. Right?”

“I could, but we’re passing it, so now is the perfect time. Lan Sizhui,” Wei Wuxian cupped his students’ face in his hands, leaning in close with eyes the size of saucers, glossy and pitiful, “tell me you don’t want McNuggets. Tell your favorite person in the whole world you don’t want McNuggets,”

“This is getting really weird,”

“Focus, Lan Sizhui. McDonalds. Quick, put it in the group chat. Once we turn off of the exit, we need to chant as loud as we can. I’ll get you McRibs. It’s the  _ only way _ . I beg of you.”

Lan Sizhui held his phone in his hand as if he was going to hand it over but quickly pulled it back, eyes narrowing slightly. Wei Wuxian frowned, confused, wondering what he’d done to warrant such a reaction. But once he spoke, he understood.

“McRibs  _ and _ a slushie. Blue raspberry, large. Then it’s a deal.”

“Deal. Cross my heart,” Wei Wuxian stopped holding the boy’s face in order to literally cross his heart. Lan Jingyi sighed while Lan Sizhui dutifully typed away on his phone.

“You’re literally making a deal with the devil.”

“What’s done is done,” Lan Sizhui murmured with a hint of a smile, and Wei Wuxian guessed he was sending out the master plan to the group chat now. He urged the others by going over and whispering to them as well, trying to be as sly as possible to avoid Lan Wangji’s gaze. He’d stumbled once and fell on his butt, hurriedly dragging himself to the last seat to tell them about his plan. Although Lan Wangji hadn’t looked up in a long while, he had to have known something was up by now. Wei Wuxian wasn’t  _ that _ good. Given, he was also crawling around a minibus whispering, begging for chicken nuggets like a dog; even he couldn’t hide that fact too well.

“Is it done?” He hurried back to the seat diagonal from Lan Sizhui, quickly peeking over the top to see his husband’s eyes still on the road. Perfect. Looking around their current area, he noticed that they were stopped in traffic, just near the exit. The large overhead sign confirmed this, and his heart began to pound. Once they began to move again, they would be getting off the exit to which the McDonalds was. Now was their only chance. He waited for vocal confirmation from his student.

“It’s done.”

Upon hearing the magic words, he jumped out of his seat and gripped the seats with two of his hands, standing as steady as he could on the bus that rocked slowly on the poorly constructed road. He beamed crookedly, gathering up all the courage in his body to continue. “Okay, kiddos . . . let’s get this bread.”

Wei Wuxian took the deepest breath he’d ever taken in his life before as he chanted “McDonalds!” At first he was alone, but Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi had his back, as always. Soon, the chorus of nine voices chanting ‘McDonalds’ bore throughout the bus and Wei Wuxian enjoyed every minute of it, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet excitedly.

“McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!”

Wei Wuxian nearly squealed when he saw Lan Wangji’s eyes almost pop out of his head as suddenly as he’d started chanting, lips pursed in vexation, his face struggling to stay in its usual stone form. He truly looked bewildered, having no idea what to do as his eyes darted from the road to the mirror to over his shoulder and back again. It was a rare moment that Lan Wangji would be so flustered and confused and Wei Wuxian drank it up, lavishing the sickly sweet moment, too good to be true, too pure, too  _ perfect _ . He could see him mouth “quiet”, not wanting to raise his voice, eyes staring straight up into the mirror in one of the sternest looks he’d  _ ever _ given Wei Wuxian, not to mention all the kids. His jaw was clenched and he seemed to be wound tighter and tighter but Wei Wuxian knew he wouldn’t spiral so easily. Wei Wuxian just grinned sweetly and continued chanting, raising a fist above his head to lead the bus into pure chaos. He’d asked nicely, hadn’t he? And Lan Wangji had given him  _ no choice  _ but to use back up.

Usually, the kids would have never participated, their fear of Lan Wangji their main driving force to being obedient and cooperative. But knowing that they not only had Wei Wuxian to back them up but had been specifically sought out for hire to aid him in his quest? They could only dream of such havoc to wreak in their calm and peaceful lives. This was their  _ fuel _ . And surely they couldn’t deny seeing Lan Wangji tripping over himself due to a McDonalds revolution in the back of his bus was  _ peak comedy _ . 

“McDonalds! McDonalds!”

Lan Wangji was slowly losing control over his face and was attempting to stare straight holes into his husband’s head, in between passing cars on the highway. He only stared down his husband, however, leaving the kids be. He’d deal with them later but clearly he was shocked at their part in the chanting. But, that’s who Wei Wuxian  _ was _ ; an influencer. He was truly capable of pulling people out of their characters and stretching, and molding them, and that’s why he got along with so many people. And it was how he was able to get away with stunts like  _ this _ . Despite his husband’s steely, piercing eyes, Wei Wuxian refused to back down. He’d  _ earned _ this, the right to chant for his beloved McNuggets at the top of his lungs, to feed into the McDonalds Mob Mentality. Lan Wangji refused to stop his hawkish glare, coming at an eye contact standstill with his husband. It was expected, really, since this was probably the most  _ unexpected _ thing he’d ever accomplished. And he had to admit, he was proud. It wasn’t everyday he could get all of them to team up against his husband for greasy fast food. And given, not all of them were even here. If they were . . . 

He’d have an  _ army _ .

“ _ McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds! _ ”

“Wei Ying!”

“ _ McDonalds!  _ ** _McDonalds_ ** _ !  _ ** _McDonalds_ ** _ ! _ ”

The chaos pursued for a good seven minutes until Wei Wuxian spotted the drive thru, and his body flooded with endorphins, vibrating with frequency strong enough to shatter glass when he realized that Lan Wangji was actually  _ pulling in _ . He jumped up and down, throwing his arms up in the air, cheering with the rest of his students when they, too, realized that the bus was turning the corner into the parking lot of the McDonalds. 

“We did it!”

They cheered for their victory, and while Lan Wangji was pulling into the drive thru, Wei Wuxian rushed up to him, pressing kisses all along his jaw and cheek. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, my precious, beautiful husband,”

Lan Wangji ignored him, focusing on the monitor. When the employee asked for their order, Wei Wuxian only got to yell one syllable before Lan Wangji smacked a hand over his mouth, his entire palm keeping his lips pressed shut. His unstoppable force of a husband had been  _ stopped. _

“One small black coffee, please,”

Wei Wuxian inwardly gasped as the cruel betrayal of those five, icy words, his blood running cold in his veins. All his hard work had been for naught. He had let himself down, he had let the kids down. He ripped Lan Wangji’s hand off of his mouth to yell “no, that’s not it,” but by the time he’d managed to free his mouth and gasp for air, Lan Wangji has slammed on the gas, not giving his husband any opportunity. Wei Wuxian panicked, grabbing onto the bar so he wouldn’t go flying.

“Lan Zhan! How  _ dare _ you! How  _ could  _ you! I trusted you with my whole heart and soul, I  _ married  _ you! And you betray  _ me _ ? At a  _ McDonalds _ !?”

The kids once again had his back, affirming his devastating monologue with a chorus of boos, a couple of them giving Lan Wangji a thumbs down. He turned around in his seat and gave them one glare. It was enough to shut them all up and send them reeling back into their seats. Only Lan Sizhui dared to watch from around the corner of his own seat, tangled up with Lan Jingyi.

Once Lan Wangji paid, fighting off a hangry, disappointed Wei Wuxian with ease as he only fought half-heartedly with little slaps and whines, he pulled up towards the exit and away from all of Wei Wuxian’s hopes and dreams. The space was too small for him to fit into however so he could do nothing as Lan Wangji got his coffee. He took the one step down towards the folding door and banged on it with an open hand, not caring that the kids were now drinking in the drama.

“Let me out. I’ll go myself.”

“Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian turned around to face his traitor of a husband, eyes narrowing. The nerve he had. He didn’t even  _ drink _ coffee.

As if on cue, Lan Wangji turned and stared into Wei Wuxian’s eyes directly and took a sip of the beverage, not blinking, grimacing, even breathing  _ once _ . Wei Wuxian let his mouth fall open in horror, clearly threatened by that one gesture. He clutched the little rail on the side of the steps and scoffed. His own  _ husband _ drinking coffee just to  _ spite _ him.

Well, to be fair, he _ kind of _ deserved it. But next time, he’d definitely find a way to get Lang Wangji to pull over . . . 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: @cinnajintoast
> 
> come scream with me


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